This guide is for old-fashioned girls (such as yours truly) trying to attract an old-fashioned guy. The reason I make this distinction is that with guys of the new school, the rules are different because there are none. My definition of a guy from the ‘new-school’ is one who expects a woman to make the first move or to go dutch on the first date(more on this later) Any woman who professes to be cool with the above instances, I can’t help. Ask Kim Kardashian.
These are tips on how to make yourself more desirable to the opposite sex, i.e. make them wonder what it is about you and keep them coming back. This is about emanating a certain aura where, as Neyo says, you want a guy but you don’t need him. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate that boy-girl issues are very angsty sometimes and it’s okay to feel the angst in your head and analyse things with your girlfriends and check up a guy’s profile on Facebook and all those things that we girls do when we are considering a guy who’s trying to get to know us; but it’s not okay for him to know. Are we together so far? Good.
Okay, so here are some common scenarios that come up and here’s what I would suggest. Not in any particular order:
Why is he not calling? Everyone who has watched the movie ‘He’s just not that into you’ or read the book ‘Think like a man’ should know the answer to this one by now. But for those who don’t, here it is- he either doesn’t want to call or he’s a Rules man. If it’s the first don’t worry about it, he’s not for you. If it’s the second and he’s a man that plays by the rules then you’ve gotta be a rules chick too. A rules man is definitely an old-fashioned man. He doesn’t expect you to request his number or ask him on a date first. If he took your number wait for him to call because if you jump the gun you will be disqualified from the race. When he does call, trust me your confidence will come from knowing that he made the first move, and his appreciation will grow from knowing that this chick has been so busy that she forgot all about him.
I’m so tired of being single. I’ve heard this one before, even from 18-year olds and I think to myself calm down! Yes it’s a big, lonely world out there and you want someone to hold your hand and tell you you’re beautiful but trust me a guy can smell a desperate girl from a mile away. See singledom as a chance to be free and explore your options. Take up a hobby, enrol in a course, go to church, or to the mosque or a synagogue or something. Go to parties. You will meet people and broaden your horizons so that when you finally land a guy you will have something interesting to tell him about your life and hobbies. Make your social calendar so full that you will genuinely have a reason to say to your toaster ‘Sorry, I’m busy right now, can I call you back?’ and he knows that indeed you have other things to do.
Where is this going? Ladies erase this very string of words from your vocabulary. Never utter these words in any way, shape or form please. I’m not talking about after you’ve dated for 2 years and want to know the final destination. I’m talking about a guy you met at a party two Saturdays ago, exchanged BB pins with and after 10 days you wanna know what you are to him. I’ll tell you what you are. Acquaintances. And if he wants to change your status trust me he will not stutter in letting you know either directly or indirectly. Men are jealous and territorial creatures, if they want you to be their lady, trust me, they don’t want any other guy to come within a hair’s breadth of you. If you do ask, you’re not going to like what you hear because surely he wasn’t waiting for you to ask him before he tells you that you are his girlfriend, right? Right.
He has to be tall, dark and handsome. Ladies please know thyselves. Not to have a laugh or anything but please play in your own league. If you want a man with movie star looks then I’m afraid you’re going to have to get to scrubbing. Yourself. Yes, I said it. It goes without saying that being groomed and presentable probably is more likely to get you attention from a groomed and attractive man. There’s no need to aspire to Naomi Campbell standards though so if you’re a baggy jeans sort of girl as least keep the hem from looking 50 shades of brown. Eat right, take care of your face and I’d be surprised if you didn’t keep heads turning along the street. That’s a start!
What about sex on the first date? This was a popular one and the answer is no. If you’re an old-fashioned girl you’re going to want an old-fashioned guy and trust me regardless of what his physical apparatus is saying, in his mind he really doesn’t want you to give in that easily. Besides how would you feel if you slept together and he never called you again? If you’re okay with this, stop reading now. You need to have some principles, any principles. Set a timescale for yourself before which he will not see the inside of your drawers. This means no extended talk about your sexual history and preferences and definitely no sleepovers in his bed. It doesn’t matter how many days/weeks/months you set, just knowing that you have rules within which you live your life will let him know that you are a serious minded girl with standards which you can’t compromise.
If I find a guy I really like, does that mean I can cut off the rest? No, it means the opposite actually. Never, ever put your eggs in one basket at such an early stage because as quickly as they materialise, these guys can vanish too. Just as we ladies are sampling the market, our male counterparts are talking to many different girls as ‘friends’ too until they find the one. So if he has not said he wants to be exclusive with you I don’t see why you’re clearing out your diary and pencilling him in for an appointment every day of the week. As soon as he finds a suitable partner, if it’s not you, you won’t hear from Mr Man again so imagine how this would make you feel if you have already made him your only option. Enough said.
What if I’m at my last bus stop? Please, there is no such thing. I don’t care if you’re 39 and overweight, you must never appear desperate, it’s not a good look. Trust me men can spot a woman who believes ‘it’ is a do or die affair from a mile away. At this toaster stage, you are friends, you don’t owe each other anything and please do not tax the poor man’s time. If he says he will call at 10 am and he calls at 10.45, I don’t believe this is a capital offence afterall if your girlfriend says she’ll call you aren’t staring at your phone for hours willing it to ring. When you start to make extraneous demands on a man’s time before he has indicated that he is willing to commit to a relationship you will chase him away. Very far away. It will seem like you do not have anybody else calling you and he is your last hope. A much better situation is: he tries to call you, he gets your ‘call waiting’ he clocks that if he doesn’t call when he says he will someone else will make your phone busy. However it’s not acceptable for a man to totally disrespect your time, showing up for a date an hour late does not even begin to be acceptable and I trust that a self-respecting female won’t be waiting around for that long. He can call you and explain to you (whilst you’re at home watching TV) how come he had to pick his nephew up from playschool, the traffic was so bad and he had a flat tyre whilst you sound all distracted and drowned out by the sound of the TV.
Finally ladies, please don’t have a chip on your shoulder. If your last boyfriend broke your heart, that’s no reason to be rude and unpleasant. After all, all the men in the world didn’t collude and decide to treat you like rubbish. Move on with a clean slate and assess each new guy on his merits. Be calm, polite, flirty, laugh when needed and keep things really light. Always maintain an air of mystery, he doesn’t need to know all your secrets before he commits to being in your life, actually he doesn’t want to.
DISCLAIMER!!!
This is not a thesis- don’t ask me for references/sources!
This is not a manual- it works for me.
This is my point of view; please share your thoughts and comments. xxxxxxx
