To Have and To Hold

Is it really impossible for the Nigerian woman to have it all in the 21st century or are we still holding on to the ancient notion of a woman’s role in society? The family or the career. The family AND the career. Why do these two options seem to be mutually exclusive, two elusive concurrents. It seems like you can only have either one or the other.. you’re keen to start a family then be prepared to be barefoot pounding yam in the kitchen and making shopping lists all day till death do you part blissfully or otherwise unaware of what’s going on in the world around you. Or you want to be the regional head of a fortune 500 company then prepare to forfeit the aforementioned domestic bliss and come home to your luxurious Egyptian cotton sheets whose thread count you will have enough time to verify.

Are Nigerian men threatened by a woman’s financial independence? The answer seems to be a resounding YES! I have shopped around and the prevailing sentiment appears to be that no man wants to see his wife ‘suffer’. Interpret this as no man wants to let a woman into the ‘old boys club’. They would rather come back home at midnight and tell their loving housewives over a plate of just-made Egusi soup how incredibly volatile the stock market is, how rare it is to find an honest accountant or how frustrating the rising cost of steel is while said woman’s eyes glaze over is admiration. How does this man manage to understand these incredibly complicated issues? Now if said woman was out there in the labour market she would be able to challenge him with her own knowledge or her own take on the facts. She might know an accountant who can knock 50% off because business is slow or that steel prises have risen because of the corresponding rise in the price of oil per barrel- a knock on effect of the war in Iraq.

Shock! Horror! A woman who is actually worldly-wise. This is far too threatening to the status quo. Now don’t get me wrong I am certainly not one of those people who have literally been baptised and cleansed of all ties to my custom in my motherland and born again into Western societal androgyny. Far from it, in fact I strongly believe in the right of every man, woman, boy and girl to a steaming hot plate of home made food prepared by the oldest female member of their nuclear family with ingredients purchased from an open air market by the afore-mentioned female rather than some overworked underpaid, illiterate maid/nanny hybrid plotting with other overworked, underpaid maid/ nannies to elope with the driver.

This is the reason why our fellow homosapiens in the west invented the vacuum cleaner, the microwave and the fridge to name but a few of these now cant-do-without necessities. A woman is entitled to a choice. I respect, nay, admire a woman who has put herself out there and decided that the whole suit and boardroom thing is not for her and chooses to retire into the predictable routine of homemaking, carpooling and daytime television but I am afraid I want more out of life than this.

I want to first and foremost be able to go out and earn a living. For as long as I am able I will go forth and justify the many hours, months, decades spent in the pursuit of academic excellence. I need for a skill which I had to fine-tune by pushing myself endlessly and sweating in anticipation of countless examination results to be acknowledged and rewarded in cash. I was once told by a man that he will triple whatever it is I think I can earn from a J-O-B and pay me to stay at home 24/7 but that is missing the point. I need to be taken care of safe in the knowledge that I can(this is the operative word) take care of myself and that if I want it, that Chanel purse can be mine and I don’t need permission to go out and buy it just as soon as I put the finishing touches to the Isi-Ewu I have on the fire.