NEVER HAD TO LOOK FOR LOVE

I have been reading a lot about girl-boy relationships lately, even written a couple of posts on the subject myself. The material on this topic will never run out and I will never get tired of reading about relationships, and issues concerning it nor writing about it. Now I don’t want to get too personal and write about my issues here but I would like to say a few things concerning a few things.

I do not think there is anything wrong with a woman going after a man. Notice I did not use the word ‘chasing’. If a man has indicated that he is not interested in you, as a grown- ass woman you swallow the rejection and move on. The way I see it, it’s like being turned down after a job interview. As a matter of fact, I intensely admire women who go after the man of their dreams- it shows great organizational skills and burning ambition to know what you want, identify it amidst a sea of prospects and pursue it. Yes, we all 'know'(read: have been told) that all men like the thrill of the chase but I don’t think any man would disqualify a woman as a potential simply because she called him first or responded to his text within 30 seconds. The key is subtlety.

Now I’m no relationship expert, neither do I have any qualifications in psychology or what not, but I am a woman and you don’t get to my age without learning a thing or two about boys, girls and chemistry. As far as I am concerned, we usually know within 5 minutes of close contact with another person whether they are someone who we can ever see ourselves being with or admit to being in a relationship with. Yes, just five minutes. For some people it’s the voice- a person’s voice speaks volumes about them. Some people claim that a deep, booming voice in a man indicates that he’s a natural leader and able to influence people and wield a position of authority. Hence any squeaky-voiced contenders may as well fall back.

I was reading a recent post by my good friend at http://thirdworldprofashional.blogspot.com, which sort of inspired my current post. She was talking about men who string you along but do not want to marry you; I had so much to comment on that I decided to simply consolidate all my comments here because a lot of it is not directly related.
A friend of mine was telling me about this amazing man who she ‘dated’ for 7 months but never introduced to any one as her boyfriend. The reason being that he did not embody those values which she believed her significant other should possess as standard. This had nothing to do with religion, ethnicity, looks or even financial standing. It had a lot to do with the fact that, she came from a family of strong, commanding men and this guy, ‘M’ was the complete opposite of these things. He was a bit too sensitive, obedient and forthcoming. A little bit too adoring, reverential and had a bit too much time for her. She was used to the man wearing the trousers in the relationship and the woman having to seek the man’s face and beg for his time. It wasn’t that M did not have a job, quite the contrary he was a manager in his workplace and oversaw 12 staff- why did he have to time to spend 4 hours of his working day speaking to her on the telephone?

Another friend of mine told me how she met this gorgeous tottie at a house party and decided that he was exactly her type. He had the rugged good looks, the quirky individual style that involved the wearing of a lot of peg-leg trousers and bowler hats as well as being a music producer of techno and electro in his spare time. Let no one ever call him the typical Nigerian boy. She set about trying to present herself in the most girl friend-ly way possible- no foul language in his presence, cooking 5-course meals, confiding her deepest darkest secrets to make him do the same. This guy being the non-typical Nigerian boy, told her straight up that he had decided within 5 minutes of meeting her that she was not girlfriend material. Ouch, some of you may say, but this isn’t the most tragic thing on earth. It just confirms my theory that if a guy wants to ’wife’ you or ‘girlfriend’ you, even an infinite number of burnt meals prepared for him, him being 22 years old and unemployed or how many small, petite and light skinned girls he’s dated in the past even though you are a tall Amazon goddess with hips to rival Oprah Winfrey will not change his mind( and vice versa).I do not know the rhyme or reason for this.

Seeing is believing they say and I had to move back to Nigeria for two and a half years to confirm for myself the heights which to which some women will go in order to secure a band around their finger. This particular point is inspired by a post on a blog I just recently started following- http://www.miafarradaily.blogspot.com/- where the author was ranting about thirsty women and market spoilers, laugh out loud funny but it did get me thinking. Thinking about women who simply do not want to be alone, the thought of singledom is as severe as a sentence of life imprisonment with hard labour. Now I am not here to preach all that nonsense about being secure in your own company and enjoying being single as I believe everybody has their own threshold for loneliness . Some people rely on affection and attention and would simply expire if they didn’t have a steady stream of pingers on their case( where did I read that men don’t bother to actually call women nowadays except you’re their girlfriend) whilst others are happy to chat with men one at a time until they make that connection. I won’t tell you which category I fall into!

The first category of women are those that always have a pot boiling on the back burner so they never run out of samples to pick from if push comes to shove. The second category of women are more laid back leaving everything to fate knowing that the more you look the less you see and sometimes you cannot really engineer these things. I do know one thing for sure and it is that our resumes cannot be carbon copies of each other’s. Different men are attracted to different things and it is not necessarily the fact that you don’t wear short and tight dresses and have never stepped into a nightclub in your life nor that you are an almost-Michelin-starred chef and can whip up a three course meal with a blindfold on and one hand in your pocket that will make a man take you seriously. Sometimes these things are just your luck(destiny/fate/God's will/karma- delete according to your faith).
PS: I’m no saint but I’ve never had to look for love.